It can be a frustrating process to convert a lover to gym life and help her lose weight. You can discover your true passion for fitness, and help her find hers, with one life-changing conversation.
Most people know what they want on the surface but have no concept of what they really REALLY what. They will state a goal but it has no depth. No depth means they DON’T really know what they want. If they don’t know specifically what they truly intend to do, then there is no way to gauge if they are meeting their goal or not.
In a series of questions, you can help your partner really lock down a vision of what they want! I often have conversations with people who have ” fitness goals” but what we need to do is get specific! Feel free to steal my dialogue, this is often how my goal setting conversation with a client might go:
Him: “I want to get fit”
Me: “What does look like for you?”
Him: “I want to lose weight”
Me: “How much? Is it a pant size that you want to get into? Is there a photo of how you want to look or feel?”
After listening to each answer
Me: “Can you show me a picture of that goal?” How will you feel differently when you’re at that goal?”
Then validate them with your support and belief!
Start by getting specific and listening in detail to what she wants. Ask engaging questions to draw out of her the details about what she truly desires at her goal, physically and emotionally. How does she want to feel at her goal? Can she decide to begin feeling that way right now since she is on her way? Be an encourager!
If your lady is anything like me, she’ll LOVE to talk, talk, talk about what she wants. If you’re not accustomed to having these conversations you might break through into a brand-new dimension of your relationship. If this is the case, you’ll watch as both of you will find deeper gratification in your relationship. This is especially true if you let her create her vision without telling her what you think she can (or should) set as her goals. That can become a source of insecurity for a partner that worries they may not be good enough for you as is.
Be a ready listener and wait until she’s really able to share with you about what she wants. If needed, you can take a couple of weeks to enjoy miniature conversations while she opens up. Be patient, it will be well worth the time you spent preparing to have a deeper goal setting conversation.
Be sure to plant the seed of inspiration by sharing your detailed goals first. This will help her break down any emotional walls and feel more open to discuss her dreams with you. Keep it light, imaginative and playful. If you get all “GI JOE” on her you’ll lose the chance to have this powerful conversation, so keep it enjoyable. Fitness is supposed to be FUN! This can be something that you too deeply enjoy doing as a couple.
There is one couple that workout at my gym that has built such a sweet and precious bond by supporting each other’s fitness goals. From the corner of my eye, I can see them enjoying each other, I hear as they encourage back-and-forth, and I watch as they celebrate together when the other person succeeds. The gym can be an awesome platform for a deepened relationship.
Watch as this conversation grows every other aspect of your relationship! Without being too detailed…I will tell you, listening to your partner without judgment will deepen every aspect of your marriage….EVERY ASPECT. I’ll be blunt for anyone that isn’t getting the depth of what I’m sharing. If you want a more “physically intimate” relationship with that woman, connect to her soul. Once she feels that connection and genuine love that you’re exuding, she will be more than obliged to meet ALL of YOUR deepest needs. When we feel as though we’re being heard and validated, we naturally hear and validate YOUR needs to the fullest extent.
Creating a fitness-driven partner starts with the discussion about what she wants and how she wants to feel in the accomplishment of her goal. This conversation will open her heart in a really intimate way. Be sure to validate her entirely with encouraging words.
Next, you can deepen that intention by locking down the “WHY POWER”. Your “why” is that deep seeded reason that you desire the goal that you have articulated!
If it is her goal to get into her skinny jeans…the catalyst for motivation is understanding why that is important to her.
Why is she interested in changing her current weight? I mean really REALLY why?! I have this saying that I am famous for with clients I coach. I call it “Why Til You Cry. Of course, you’ll want to approach this sensitively, continuing to be a ready listener and an instigator for deeper thinking.
To help her you must be an undercover investigator. Get to the bottom of the real and impacting reason that she want’s change in her life. I had a few reasons, I felt ashamed for my husband to come off the road to an overweight wife after being backstage, WWE with gorgeous half dressed Divas. He only had eyes for me but I wanted to honor him by giving him the best version of myself. I wanted him to be proud of me when I hung out backstage with him. He said he was and loved me for who I am inside. I still wanted to transform back to the physique I had when we were married 11-years prior. I’d cry not knowing what to wear for him on date night. I’d pile on layers of clothes and even a thick jacket in the summer, just to hide the weight I was continuing to gain. I was scared that I would just keep gaining weight forever. What example was I setting for my daughter with my binging, inactivity, and self-image. These thoughts often lead me to tears of panic. Being real with these emotions are part of what locked in my fitness perseverance like never before.
There is a flow to this conversation that will make the exercise very impacting. A recent “Why-discovering-conversation” that I had with an amazing friend, Melania went like this:
Mel: I want to get back into my size 4 jeans.
Mel: cause they were expensive and they’re adorable
Me: Both true, but you do well financially just buy new ones….
Mel: I want to get back in THOSE jeans AND all the other clothes in my closet that are the same size.
Mel (quiet, head down): well I don’t know…I just do…
Me: at what moment did you become motivated to set that goal?
Mel (tears): I was complaining as I was getting dressed for work a few weeks ago. My husband got sick of it. He walked in with a big box. He said “go ahead and toss the clothes that don’t fit in here. We’ll get you new ones that fit. I mean your not going to be fitting into them anymore, anyway…..right?
-NOW we found a WHY! It’s power! We must connect to the pain of remaining the same, acknowledge it then release it by choosing to focus instead on what like will be like at the GOAL!
Encourage her as she expresses her emotions but be her sounding board of positivity!
How Now Brown Cow
What and why are vital questions that will lock in a deep subconscious persistence. Once you have those motivating factors it’s time to commit to a “how”!
You must have an immediate PLAN of action before the passion fades!
Consider choosing something you would be able to do together while still meeting your goals. It doesn’t matter what you choose. You don’t need to be on a Body Spartan program to get results. Just choose something that you wholeheartedly believe will get you to your goal. If I can be a program that you too can accomplish together it would serve as massive motivation to each other.
Gabe and I love to do Genesis
together because the meal plan is perfect for staying lean and maintaining muscle. We love cooking our meals together and being on the same workout schedule.
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